Helping Children to find Certainty

Practical Approaches for Parents, Educators, and Caregivers

In the ever-shifting landscape of modern life, marked by rapid technological change, global events, and personal upheavals, children and teenagers are growing up with a keen awareness that much in the world is unpredictable. News headlines can feel daunting, routines can be disrupted overnight, and even trusted institutions sometimes falter. Yet, amid this sea of uncertainty that children crave—they need anchors of certainty to help them feel safe, confident, and resilient.

As adults—be we parents, teachers, relatives, or mentors—the question becomes: What can we tell young people that is certain? More importantly, how can we demonstrate and reinforce those certainties in day-to-day life, from the earliest years through the tumultuous teens?

Why Certainty Matters

Children’s sense of security is fundamental to their growth. Certainty provides a foundation upon which curiosity, creativity, and healthy risk-taking can flourish. Without it, anxiety can creep in, affecting behaviours, learning, and relationships. Therefore, creating and articulating certain truths, even small ones, helps children navigate the unknown with confidence.

What Is Certain? Core Truths for All Ages

·       Love and Connection: The love and support of caring adults is foundational, regardless of circumstances.

·       Change is Inevitable: Change itself is a constant—while things may shift, the ability to adapt is something everyone can develop with support and at a level that fits for their needs.

·       Personal Values and Choices: Integrity, kindness, and honesty are choices we can make, even when the world feels unpredictable.

·       Growth Is Possible: We all have the capacity to learn, grow, and overcome challenges, no matter our age.

·       Every Day Has Moments of Joy: Even in hard times, there are always small pleasures and beauty to be found.

Let’s explore how these certainties can be communicated and lived out, with practical, age-appropriate examples.

For Young Children (Ages 3–7): Building Blocks of Security

Certainty in Relationships:

Children at this age thrive on routine and loving attention. You can say: “No matter what, I love you and will take care of you the best I can.” Show this with:

·       Consistent bedtime or mealtime rituals, like reading a favourite story every night.

·       Special phrases or gestures that mean “I love you”—a secret handshake, a hug, a note in their lunchbox.

Certainty in Routines:

Explain that some things happen every day: “The sun rises every morning. After you brush your teeth, we eat breakfast together.” Visual schedules or picture charts can reinforce these certainties.

Certainty in Self:

Help children see that their feelings are valid and that they can always ask for help. For example: “It’s okay to feel sad or scared sometimes, and you can always talk to me.”

For Older Children (Ages 8–12): Anchoring in Values and Abilities

Certainty in Values:

At this age, children start to notice the world’s complexities. Affirm: “We always try to be kind and fair, even when things are confusing.” Encourage them to help others—through chores, volunteering, or kindness at school—which reinforces the certainty of their own goodness.

Certainty in Abilities:

Remind them: “You can learn new things and solve problems, even if they’re hard at first.” Practical examples include:

·       Learning to ride a bike, play an instrument, or bake something new, showing that perseverance leads to progress.

·       Journaling about their day, focusing on challenges they faced and how they responded.

Certainty in Support:

Let children know: “Even if you make mistakes, we are here to help you figure things out.”

When they struggle with homework or friendships, guide them, but let them try first—so they learn from experience.

For Young Teens (Ages 13–15): Certainty in Identity and Community

Certainty of Belonging:

Adolescents crave acceptance. Affirm: “You belong in this family/class/team, even if you sometimes feel different.” Encourage participation in group activities where cooperation and inclusion are valued.

Certainty of Voice:

Support their growing independence by valuing their opinions. “Your thoughts and feelings matter, and we want to hear them.” Invite them to help make family or classroom decisions—what to cook for dinner, how to spend a weekend, or how to solve a group problem.

Certainty of Growth:

Remind them: “Mistakes help you grow—nobody gets it right all the time.” Share stories of times you learned from your own errors. Encourage reflection: “What did you learn from that experience?”

For Older Teens (Ages 16–19): Certainty in Agency and Purpose

Certainty in Choices:

Teens need to know that they have agency, even when outcomes are uncertain. “While you can’t control everything, you can choose your attitude and your actions.” Practice this with:

·       Goal-setting exercises—encourage them to write down goals and the steps to achieve them.

·       Open conversations about values and future plans, listening respectfully to their ideas (even if they differ from yours).

Certainty in Support Networks:

Reinforce: “You are not alone. There are people—family, friends, mentors—who care about you, even when things are difficult.” Encourage them to reach out, join clubs, or seek guidance from trusted adults.

Certainty in Resilience:

Share examples of overcoming adversity—either from family history or respected public figures. Remind them: “You have been through challenges before, and you have the strength to do it again.”

Practical Tips for All Ages: Certainty in Everyday Life

·       Model Consistency: Show up when you say you will. Follow through on promises or explain honestly if you can’t.

·       Celebrate Small Wins: Make a habit of noticing and celebrating everyday accomplishments—finishing a book, helping a friend, or making a new recipe.

·       Keep Communication Open: Allow space for questions and big feelings. If you don’t know an answer, say so honestly, and look for it together.

·       Practice Gratitude: End the day by sharing one thing you’re grateful for—big or small.

·       Create Rituals: Family movie night, walks together, or a weekend breakfast create reassuring rhythms.

When the World Feels Overwhelming

It’s natural for adults themselves to feel uncertain, especially during turbulent times. Don’t be afraid to admit this to children and teenagers—in age-appropriate ways. What matters most is demonstrating that, even when we don’t have all the answers, we are together, facing the unknown side by side.

Conclusion: Building Lifelong Resilience

Certainty is not about rigid guarantees but about nurturing a deep sense of trust—in relationships, in values, in the power to adapt and grow. By focusing on these certainties, we help children and teenagers develop the inner confidence to weather life’s storms and embrace its opportunities. The world will always change, but the constancy of caring adults, the clarity of values, and the certainty of potential form a foundation no uncertainty can shake.

Remember, every reassuring word and every dependable action lays a brick in the foundation of a resilient, hopeful young person—ready, whatever the world may bring.