Adulting when we REALLY don’t want to: Best approaches to understanding

Introduction

“Adulting” has become a buzzword that evokes everything from eye-rolls to existential dread. For many, it conjures images of paying bills, scheduling dentist appointments, or staring down a mountain of laundry. But is adulting truly mandatory, and if it is, how on earth do we manage it on those days when we just want to crawl under the covers and hide from our responsibilities? Let’s explore the necessity of adulting, and more importantly, how to approach it in small, manageable steps—even (and especially) when motivation is at an all-time low.

What Does “Adulting” Really Mean?

At its core, adulting refers to the range of tasks, responsibilities, and life skills expected of an adult. This includes managing finances, maintaining a living space, taking care of health, and making decisions about one’s future. While the term is often used humorously, the pressures and expectations it points to are real.

Do We Really Have to Adult?

The short answer: yes—and no. While some aspects of adulting are unavoidable if we want to live independently and safely (think: paying rent, buying groceries, basic hygiene), the truth is, not all tasks have equal urgency. The key lies in prioritizing what matters most and giving ourselves grace for the rest.

For instance, you don’t have to become a master chef to feed yourself; learning to prepare a few simple meals is enough. You don’t have to love finances, but understanding your income and expenses can save you from future stress. The idea is not perfection but more building a foundation of habits that keep life running smoothly.

Why Does Adulting Feel So Hard?

Many of us were never taught the nitty-gritty of adult life—taxes, insurance, or how to unclog a drain or change a fuse. Popular culture often portrays adulthood as either a wild adventure or a crushing bore, rarely showing the in-between. And let’s face it: the emotional energy required to “be an adult” can be draining, especially when paired with anxiety, depression, or burnout.

How to Start Adulting When You Really Don’t Want To

The secret isn’t in a grand transformation but in taking small, incremental steps. Here are practical strategies, with real-life examples, for getting started:

1. Break It Down

Big tasks are overwhelming. Break them into smaller pieces.

·       Example: Instead of “clean the apartment,” start with “pick up clothes from the floor.” Once that’s done, maybe “wipe down the kitchen countertops.” Each small win builds momentum.

2. Set a Timer

Commit to working on a task for just 5 or 10 minutes. You might find you want to keep going—or at the very least, you made a dent.

·       Example: Hate doing dishes? Set a ten-minute timer. Often, you’ll finish more than you expected, and if not, that’s still a win.

3. Use Checklists

There’s satisfaction in checking off even the smallest task. Make daily or weekly checklists for recurring responsibilities.

·       Example: List for the last day of the weekend: Water plants, take out rubbish, prep lunch for the start of the week. Crossing each off gives a small dopamine-hit and keeps you on track.

4. Ask for Help or Delegate

No rule says you have to do everything alone. Reach out to friends, housemates, or family members for support or task-sharing.

·       Example: Your flatmate or significant other hates vacuuming, but you dislike doing the bathroom? Swap!

5. Automate Where Possible

Leverage technology to reduce mental load.

·       Example: Set up automatic bill payments, or use reminder apps for appointments and chores. One less thing to remember means more mental space for you.

6. Celebrate Small Wins

Reward yourself for completing even minor tasks. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.

·       Example: Finished your tax return? Treat yourself to your favourite dessert, a walk, or an episode (or accidentally two or three) of that show you love.

When Procrastination Takes Over

It’s normal to feel stuck or overwhelmed by the sheer volume of adulting. Sometimes, procrastination is a sign you’re overloaded or anxious. In those cases, try to:

·       Identify the source of your avoidance. Is it fear of making a mistake? Lack of knowledge? Pure boredom?

·       Start ridiculously small. If the idea of budgeting makes you panic, just open your banking app and look at your transactions today. That counts as progress!

·       Remember: done is better than perfect. Imperfect action is always better than no action at all.

Making Adulting Less Lonely

Adulting can feel isolating, but sharing the load makes it easier and more enjoyable.

·       Form an “adulting club” with friends—meet up for laundry and tea, or tackle annoying tasks together.

·       Share resources and tips. Found a great budgeting app or a quick dinner recipe? Tell your friends!

·       Talk about struggles openly; you’ll find you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed.

Small Steps, Big Difference: Examples for Everyday Life

Let’s look at a few more real-life scenarios and how to break them down:

·       Paying Bills: Instead of setting aside a whole afternoon, designate 10 minutes on a set day every week, to review your accounts and pay anything due. Use calendar alerts to keep you on track.

·       Making Appointments: Dread calling the doctor? Write out a quick script, and commit to calling on your lunch break. If anxiety is high, ask someone to sit with you while you call.

·       Meal Prep: Not ready to cook every night? Start by prepping one or two meals a week. Rotisserie chicken and pre-cut veg or rice and vegetable stuffed peppers are your friends.

·       Cleaning: Rather than aiming for spotless, try the “good enough” method—make things tidy enough to feel comfortable.

When Adulting Gets Too Hard

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, life gets overwhelming. If you find yourself unable to manage basic tasks, remember: you’re not alone, and it’s okay to seek help. Reach out to a counsellor, therapist, or trusted friend. There’s courage in asking for support, and everyone needs it at some point.

Conclusion: Redefining Adulthood

Adulting is less about ticking boxes and more about navigating life with self-compassion and resourcefulness. You don’t have to love every responsibility—or handle them all perfectly—to be a “real” adult. However, by taking tiny steps, sharing the journey with others, and giving yourself permission to be imperfect, you’ll find your own way forward.

So, do we have to adult? In some ways, yes. But how we adult—and how kindly we treat ourselves in the process—is entirely up to us. Start small, celebrate each step, and remember that nobody has it all figured out. That, perhaps, is the most adult realisation of all.